Real Estate Chronicle: The Funniest Real Estate Blunders.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

The Funniest Real Estate Blunders.

In real estate it pays to steer clear of blunders. Every Agent will tell you so, adding also with a very serious, monochrome facial expression the like normally reserved for weddings or funerals that blunders in real estate are very costly. What not every Agent will tell you, however, is that sometimes we - the Agents - are the ones making the blunders. I was reviewing the other day a collection of very funny newspaper ads I have gathered throughout my eighteen years of real estate practice. Today it is very easy to correct an error on the Internet with just a couple of clicks of the mouse. But only a few short years ago we did not have the benefit of computers with all the whistles and bells like websites, blogs, electronic newsletters and ads. The electronic era was in its infancy and the World of Real Estate was primarily a printed world. Which meant that a blundered newspaper ad, for example, was going to be delivered into each and every household in town before it could be corrected, much to the detriment of the author. And in the impetus and stress of real estate sales and sometimes merely for an abundance of zeal, some of those ads did not reach the intended results. You be the judge ...

CENTRALLY LOCATED

"Location .. Location .. This property is conveniently located with Revenue Canada only two short blocks to the south, the hospital only one short block to the north and the cemetery right across the street."

CENTRALLY LOCATED ... IN THE INTERIOR

"This apartment complex is located in the center of town, surrounded by all modern amenities and with Safeway only a short two-hour drive away".

WHISTLES AND BELLS

"Furthermore this very fine house comes with all the whistles and bells you can possibly imagine, including the front door".

HOW HIGH IS IT ?

"From the luscious living area step outside the large, stone-covered, wrap-around balcony where you can enjoy the most amazing, breathtaking, 360-degree view of Canada".

LEAVE THEM IN THE CAR ...

"Additionally this open layout apartment comes with the exclusive use of one underground parking where you can securely park your car with your inlaws".

ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE ...

"The living room is bordered by the open wall which coupled by the crystal floor-to-ceiling divisory partition enhances the spaciousness and luminosity of the area so that practically anyone can be laid down".

PERFECT FOR ROBINSON CRUSOE ...

"Enjoy the sunsets from the acreage of this wonderful, pristine island estate, with the ferries passing on the horizon once a week".

THE FASTEST GUNS IN THE WEST ...

"This spectacular house was built by the famous Sahota Brothers, Amrit and Jill, in less than a month".

A VERY SMALL MAID

"The kitchen communicates with an approximately 8' by 7' room that can be used as pantry or can easily be adhibited as living quarters for the maid".

SHE IS GOING TO NEED A LADDER

"Grandma will no doubt enjoy the ceiling-mounted wall socket, perfect for plugging in the iron while watching TV".

THIS ONE IS REALLY, REALLY NEW

"This fine property is still on the drawing board, construction will begin in mid-June and it's never been used before".

LEAVE THEM IN THE GARAGE

"The detached garage is fully functional and self-sufficient and can be used to park your cars or as a guest suite for the inlaws".

START YOUR HOME BUSINESS

"The manicured backyard which is second to none borders with the United States and is, therefore, a smuggler's paradise".

A LITTLE TIGHT, PERHAPS ?

"Don't be fooled by the square footage. This studio will easily fit yourself, the wife, the children and your pets all in the same room".

HOW MANY DO YOU NEED ?

"There is a master bedroom on the main floor, a master bedroom on the upper floor and a master bedroom downstairs. They will make a Frenchman pale".

And here are some very good reasons for hiring them:

"With me real estate is not an art: it is an adventure !"
"List with Bob Bye - The Guy with the Tie".
"I am not only your Realtor! I am your boyfriend!"
"I am not only passionate about real estate, not only passionate about your house: I am passionate about you !"
"My marketing plan is very simple and efficient: I will present you the offers and then will dispose of them all".
"My motto is not integrity, not credibility, not sincerity: my motto is you and me !"
"Your friendly neighborhood expert. And I know the whole town too !"
"I will get you the highest possible price - if not, it could not be done".
"If I can' t sell your house in four months, by then you will stay with me for another four months".